thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
