i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
