He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
