i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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