The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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