After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
