Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
