My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Houston, we have a blender
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
