am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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