im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
