His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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