And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
