Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
