Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
