Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
