It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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