The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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