She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
