I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
