Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
