i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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