I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
