Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
