I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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