He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
3 2 1 whiskey
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
