Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
