I just pynch a tree in the face
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
