last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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