I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
