Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
