Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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