I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
