We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
