Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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