I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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