You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
