he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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