I bet he comes in French.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
