My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
