her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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