this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
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