you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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