when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
