So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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