I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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