True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
