Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
