Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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