Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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