It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
