No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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